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THINGS THAT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of it's glories, decides to
deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV
with a bad hairstyle.
6.You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens ... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a
solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
11. Never lick a steak knife.
12. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
13. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we
are above average drivers.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. Your friends love you anyway.
| Games to play when we are older |
1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, The Nurse Says Bend Over
6. Doc, Doc Goose
7. Simon Says Something Incoherent
8. Hide and Go Pee
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical Recliners |
Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under
your vehicle...especially in public.
From the Sydney Morning Herald Australia comes this story of a central west couple who
drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man
told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection
she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in
shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back
into place. On returning to her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring
at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head. |
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